I feel like I am watching my childhood home burn to the ground. No matter how much it hurts to watch, I won’t leave until the last embers fade and everything goes dark. Only when I am standing on the ashes of the past eight years, will I allow myself to cry.
I spent the last two days playing all my characters. I watched Alexis, Sister Psyche, and Statesman die. I grieved alongside Ms. Liberty. I stopped a man from ascending to godhood and unleashing the Rularuu on Primal Earth. I defeated Nemesis. I am gearing up to stop Mot.
If only I could save more than that.
My chest hurts, and I’m having trouble breathing because I want so badly not to cry. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I have so many people I have never thanked, or never thanked enough.
First and foremost, I want to thank Relentless. It was the first Super Group ever made on Justice. While I wasn’t there from the start, I did end up with the pleasure of being its leader. Alongside Thor’s Assassin and Sass, we had a great time. To everyone who joined, or joined our global community, thank you. You were my best home away from home.
To Heretics: When I felt the most alone in the game, you guys (and especially Philly Girl) gave me a new home. You guys have never failed to make me laugh. You have stood beside me and defended me and made me feel loved and welcome. Thank you.
To Armless Dan: You mean more to me than you probably realize. Thanks for being my ear to rant to, and thank you for trusting me enough to share your frustrations with me. We’ve been through a lot together. I promise not to kill you too much in TF2.
To Smoke & Ele: Thank you for giving me a home, a source of stability, and a second family. I love you guys and owe you more than I could ever repay. You guys are the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I have CoH to thank for that.
To everyone else: You know how awesome you are. You don’t need a rambly Tumblr post to remind you of that. Thanks for the great times.
And last, and quite the opposite of least: Kadmon. Remember that time we almost got married and doomed the world? Life had other plans for us, but you are still the best friend I have ever had, and ever will have. Every day you astonish me with your kindness and generosity. Every day I am so glad to know you and be your friend. City of Heroes brought us together, and the most heartbreaking part of all of this is that we will no longer have City of Heroes to share together. I would delete all my characters in a heartbeat and be forced to start over if it meant I could have one more hour to walk the streets of Paragon City with you. I love you in ways I cannot express nor label. You, above all else, have carried forth your hero persona in City of Heroes and become a hero to me in real life. These past six years, I knew I could always look forward to logging in and enjoying your company.
With no more Paragon City, the world feels a lot more empty.
Thank you to every single red name, programmer, producer, artist, intern, etc etc who made this game, and thank you to the community who gave it life. There will never be another game quite like City of Heroes.